..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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