What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize