saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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