I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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