I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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