I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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