my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
