Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
