Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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