Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
