I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
