I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
