you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
