just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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