He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize