Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
