We're facebook friends in real life
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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