i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
