There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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