you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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