I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
