Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
