He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
