Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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