Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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