just come out here and I will go home with you...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
