Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The power of my boobs compel you
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