he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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