How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
