My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
