In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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