eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
