her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Still dying that you shit outside
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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