i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize