Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
