He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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