If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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