If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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