dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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