You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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