i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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