it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize