its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
