I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
