this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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