we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
