I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
whose parrot is this?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
