remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
