dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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