that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
