Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
