Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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