I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize