Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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