Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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