Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
