There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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