He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
