Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
