My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
