when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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