I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
