oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
