Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
