apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
