My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
