maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
