Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
