Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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