She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
