You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
