He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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