I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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