just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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