Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
