Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
