I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
