OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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