dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
