Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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