HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
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