I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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